Marriage 101 – The Goal Is More Important Than The Role

Image result for marriage couple at goalpost on football field

When I think of marriage, I think of a team who has a goal to win a championship. Every player on a team has to know their role and the position that they play. Roles are important but there are times when the game plan has to change in order to score points, win the game, and reach the desired goals. The role that each team member plays might also have to change because within a marriage and on a team, the goal is more important than the role.

Problems may arise in a relationship or in a marriage, when players are to caught up in the role that they play. For example, sometimes with sports the coach may design a play, a player might reject the play calling, because it’s not what they normally do and it’s not their role. Some players on a team might refuse to even play the game and sit out because they are upset with playing a different role.

Even within a marriage, a husband or wife might reject to do something differently because it’s not considered to be their role. For example, a married couple may decide the husband should stay home to care for the children in order to save money on child care. The husband may change his role at the provider temporary in order to reach financial goals on the team. The husband or wife might reject the idea because they feel that it is not the husband’s role to be a stay at home dad with small children, during the day. The player who rejects the different play that was put into place to score points is the same as a husband or wife refusing to stay at home with the small children to save money. The husband and wife team must realize that the goal is more important than the role.

In order to have a successful marriage, each team player must do what is best for the marriage, team, and household. Zig Ziglar said, “When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” The action steps in a marriage with goals include role reversal, which means passing the ball to each other, so the team can score points, win the game, and have a successful marriage. Here are some key principles to follow.

  1. Always Have A Teamwork Mentality – Having a teamwork mindset, will ensure the best decisions are made for the whole team. John C. Maxwell says in his book, The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork, “Good things happen to a team when a player takes the place where he adds the most value. Great things happen when all the players on the team take the role that maximizes their strengths—their talent, skill, and experience.”
  2. Pass The Ball – In order to win, team players must get involved and pass the ball. Stop trying to do everything on your own.
  3. Put Your Ego Aside – Having an ego can stop a team player from seeing another team player’s point of view or considering other options to reach a goal.
  4. Do What Is Best For The Household, Team, and Marriage – Get on the same page, so you can win and reach your marriage goals. This will help to benefit the entire team.

How To Put The Spark Back Into Your Relationship/Marriage 

What happens when the honeymoon stage and the newness of the new relationship is over? How about when the excitement has worn off and the passion is gone? Frustration, loneliness, and boredom can set in. Your relationship or marriage might not be dead, but it’s on life support. Some couples may not even touch each anymore and are no longer attracted mentally or physically to each other. If you are experiencing these emotions or headed down this road, then I am here to help you.

Within a relationship or marriage, put a strategic plan in place to keep your love alive. For example, if I buy a plant, I have to make sure I feed the plant by giving the plant water and sunlight. The plant will grow when the plant has what it needs. Likewise, your relationship or marriage will blossom and grow when both individuals are getting their needs met.

Relationships and marriages in this day and age can be a challenge to maintain. For example, two people may be working full-time to provide for their family and most of their time is spent at work. They barely see each other and when they do, they are tired.  Their job has taken all of their time and energy. Too tired to talk, date or find out how the other person is doing. Relationships and marriages cannot grow under these type of circumstances.

Below are four action steps that can be taken to put the spark back in your relationship or marriage:

1)  Have Fun Together. Make sure your relationship or marriage is always full of fun and excitement. Be the life of the party, within your very own relationship or marriage. For example, create moments that will make the both of you laugh and always keep your sense of humor in the relationship.

2) Check your energy level. For example, I see people in the morning getting their coffee and energy drinks, to make sure they are alive and active on their job. People make it a priority to have a full tank of energy at work but what about your energy when your with your love one. Make sure to keep a high level of energy in your relationship or marriage, so date night can happen or amazing sex.

3)  Put your relationship first. For example. on a “To Do List” important tasks are listed by month, day and year. Therefore, important ways to enhance, build, and support your significant other should be listed by month, day, and year. Your relationship or marriage should be at the top of your list. The needs of your relationship or marriage should always come first.

4)  Communicate frequently with understanding. Always communicate with the intent to understand one another. Communication brings the necessary closeness that is needed to continue to bond with each other. This bond and intimacy continues to grow,
when effective communication is executed.