Marriage 101 – The Goal Is More Important Than The Role

Image result for marriage couple at goalpost on football field

When I think of marriage, I think of a team who has a goal to win a championship. Every player on a team has to know their role and the position that they play. Roles are important but there are times when the game plan has to change in order to score points, win the game, and reach the desired goals. The role that each team member plays might also have to change because within a marriage and on a team, the goal is more important than the role.

Problems may arise in a relationship or in a marriage, when players are to caught up in the role that they play. For example, sometimes with sports the coach may design a play, a player might reject the play calling, because it’s not what they normally do and it’s not their role. Some players on a team might refuse to even play the game and sit out because they are upset with playing a different role.

Even within a marriage, a husband or wife might reject to do something differently because it’s not considered to be their role. For example, a married couple may decide the husband should stay home to care for the children in order to save money on child care. The husband may change his role at the provider temporary in order to reach financial goals on the team. The husband or wife might reject the idea because they feel that it is not the husband’s role to be a stay at home dad with small children, during the day. The player who rejects the different play that was put into place to score points is the same as a husband or wife refusing to stay at home with the small children to save money. The husband and wife team must realize that the goal is more important than the role.

In order to have a successful marriage, each team player must do what is best for the marriage, team, and household. Zig Ziglar said, “When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” The action steps in a marriage with goals include role reversal, which means passing the ball to each other, so the team can score points, win the game, and have a successful marriage. Here are some key principles to follow.

  1. Always Have A Teamwork Mentality – Having a teamwork mindset, will ensure the best decisions are made for the whole team. John C. Maxwell says in his book, The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork, “Good things happen to a team when a player takes the place where he adds the most value. Great things happen when all the players on the team take the role that maximizes their strengths—their talent, skill, and experience.”
  2. Pass The Ball – In order to win, team players must get involved and pass the ball. Stop trying to do everything on your own.
  3. Put Your Ego Aside – Having an ego can stop a team player from seeing another team player’s point of view or considering other options to reach a goal.
  4. Do What Is Best For The Household, Team, and Marriage – Get on the same page, so you can win and reach your marriage goals. This will help to benefit the entire team.