Marriage 101 – The Goal Is More Important Than The Role

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When I think of marriage, I think of a team who has a goal to win a championship. Every player on a team has to know their role and the position that they play. Roles are important but there are times when the game plan has to change in order to score points, win the game, and reach the desired goals. The role that each team member plays might also have to change because within a marriage and on a team, the goal is more important than the role.

Problems may arise in a relationship or in a marriage, when players are to caught up in the role that they play. For example, sometimes with sports the coach may design a play, a player might reject the play calling, because it’s not what they normally do and it’s not their role. Some players on a team might refuse to even play the game and sit out because they are upset with playing a different role.

Even within a marriage, a husband or wife might reject to do something differently because it’s not considered to be their role. For example, a married couple may decide the husband should stay home to care for the children in order to save money on child care. The husband may change his role at the provider temporary in order to reach financial goals on the team. The husband or wife might reject the idea because they feel that it is not the husband’s role to be a stay at home dad with small children, during the day. The player who rejects the different play that was put into place to score points is the same as a husband or wife refusing to stay at home with the small children to save money. The husband and wife team must realize that the goal is more important than the role.

In order to have a successful marriage, each team player must do what is best for the marriage, team, and household. Zig Ziglar said, “When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” The action steps in a marriage with goals include role reversal, which means passing the ball to each other, so the team can score points, win the game, and have a successful marriage. Here are some key principles to follow.

  1. Always Have A Teamwork Mentality – Having a teamwork mindset, will ensure the best decisions are made for the whole team. John C. Maxwell says in his book, The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork, “Good things happen to a team when a player takes the place where he adds the most value. Great things happen when all the players on the team take the role that maximizes their strengths—their talent, skill, and experience.”
  2. Pass The Ball – In order to win, team players must get involved and pass the ball. Stop trying to do everything on your own.
  3. Put Your Ego Aside – Having an ego can stop a team player from seeing another team player’s point of view or considering other options to reach a goal.
  4. Do What Is Best For The Household, Team, and Marriage – Get on the same page, so you can win and reach your marriage goals. This will help to benefit the entire team.

The Social Media Addiction

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Some people just can’t seem to put down their cell phone and always have to be online. When waking up in the morning, grabbing your cell phone, to go on social media should not be the first task of the day. This type of habit can become addicting and can lead to poor time management.

The feeling of logging on, recording every moment, engaging in entertainment, having stimulating discussions, sharing your opinions, can be the ultimate high. Not to mention, the high of seeking attention when you receive a certain amount of “Likes”. To be honest social media can become apart of your identity and you can start to be a slave to it.

The definition of addiction is “the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming” (addiction. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved March 18, 2018 from Dictionary.com website http://www.dictionary.com/browse/addiction). “Addiction is also characterized by the inability to consistently abstain, impairment in behavioral control, craving, diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and interpersonal relationships, and a dysfunctional emotional response” (American Society Of Addiction Medicine, 2011). Social media addiction is similar to drug addiction. Both addictions can be detrimental to the person engaging in that particular behavior. What would a person do without social media? Just the thought of not being able to have access to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snap Chat or YouTube can make some people feel uneasy. The thought of not having social media can make some people upset. If a person is spending all of their time throughout the day on social media, then they might already be addicted to social media.

I understand social media can be used as a platform to market or promote a business but do not neglect or forget about important tasks that require undivided attention off social media. The neglectfulness of important tasks can lead to a business having a poor reputation. Below are some pointers on how a person can balance their time when it comes to social media:

Points

  1. Monitor Time Spent On Social Media – How much time do you spend on social media and on your cell phone? One way to break free from social media and your cell phone is to back away from it throughout the day. A person might be addicted to social media, if they can’t stay away from it. Log off for a couple hours and focus on your goals, family, and living life.
  2. Take A Break From Social Media – Once in a while, it is a great idea to take a break from social media altogether. For example, try staying off social media all week. Monday through Friday don’t be bothered with social media. Imagine all of the tasks and goals that could be accomplished in a day, if a person was not distracted by social media.
  3. Live In The Moment – Instead of being so quick to post the moment, live in the moment and enjoy the moment. For example, when I go out to restaurants, I look around and sometimes notice two people sitting together and they are both on their cell phones. They are together physically but mentally they are somewhere else. It is impossible to get to know someone better when you’re not focused on them and you’re not in the present moment.
  4. Balance Is The Key – There is nothing wrong with going on social media. Just make sure you are not spending all of your time there. Time is valuable! Make sure your time does not become enslaved by social media addiction but by management and productivity.

Five Reasons Why You Should Put The Cell Phones Away When Your Out On A Date.

The other day I took my wife out on a date and we went to a restaurant. The restaurant was nice. The food, service, the conversation we had and the overall restaurant experience was great. Love was in the air and we had a very good time. We actually had fun talking and laughing. As I looked around the restaurant I noticed people at the other tables. Some people were talking and some people were not focused on each other at all. I seen people sitting at the table with someone but most of their attention was on their cell phone.

I think it is bad etiquette and it is not a good look when your out with someone and your on your cell phone. It is hard to get to know someone better and connect with them when your cell phone is in control of you. Some people just can’t seem to turn their cell phone off or even put it away when their with someone. If you really want to get to know someone better you should talk to them and give them your undivided attention. Here are five reasons why you should put away your cell phone when your on a date.

  1. Attention. The person you are with should be the only thing that is getting and keeping your attention. That person should also feel that they have your undivided attention only.
  2. Conservation. You might miss out on a great conversation and an opportunity to get to know someone better.
  3. Body Language. Another form of communication is body language. The body language and vibe can tell you a lot about someone. You can pick up on certain things that are not spoken at all through body language. For example, facial expressions, as well as the energy in the room.
  4. Distractions. If you want to have a strong relationship get rid of the things that can distract you and hinder your relationship. A cell phone can be a distraction.
  5. Too much time on your cell phone when your with your spouse can actually hurt your relationship. The message your sending to your spouse when your on your cell while your out on a date, is that your cell phone is more important than them. This is not a message you want to send.

Don’t Neglect Your Relationship Goals For 2018

As I look on social media, I currently see all the 2018 New Year Goals that people are making for themselves.  I see a lot of gym post and how people want to improve their health and get in shape. I think it’s great. One goal I believe that should be on your list especially if you’re in a relationship or married is to be a better husband, wife, partner and teammate. You should want to improve yourself to be better within your relationship.  I barely see any post on social media of how someone want to be a better husband, wife, partner, friend and teammate. How many people actually do a self-evaluation on themselves at the beginning of the New Year when it comes to their close relationship?

Some people fail to do a self-evaluation when it comes to a relationship, because some people think they do not have a problem and it’s always the other person. You can always improve yourself in your relationship.  As you make your New Year Resolutions and you make a list of all the things you want and desire in 2018 do not neglect your relationship. Improve yourself in your relationship and make it a goal to strive to be a better husband, wife, partner teammate and friend.